1. The Male Role Models in your Son's Life

A father’s influence isn’t threatened by other men if he has the courage to allow it

The Game of Parenting

It’s incumbent upon us as fathers to give our sons the strongest chance in life to become good men.

A good parent makes the necessary sacrifices knowing that, if all goes well, the child will one day no longer need them. That is the goal.

When that day arrives, a new chapter begins — not dependency but deep friendship, companionship, respect. A relationship built on decades of kindness, steadiness, and care.

One in which the son (and daughter) is independent and capable, able to survive without the parent.

What I’m getting at is: the game of parenting is fundamentally selfless. A father gives without expecting anything in return. He shoulders responsibility for the sake of duty, honor, and purpose — not for thanks, praise, or reward.

Jordan Peterson often notes that happiness is a fleeting pursuit, while responsibility offers something far deeper and more stable.

It’s the difference between fast food and a home-cooked meal. Pleasure spikes and fades; duty nourishes. Responsibility is protein. Pleasure is sugar. One sustains a life; the other briefly excites it.

As my son has grown older, I’ve tried to instill in him the importance of learning from other men — other role models — not just from me.

Gone are the days when boys naturally entered master–apprentice relationships in their communities. You still see this in pockets — plumbing, electricians, carpenters — but for the average young man, those bonds are gone.

Modern boys grow up isolated from older men. And far too often, they grow up isolated from their fathers. Sometimes the father abandons his son. Sometimes the mother fractures that bond in pursuit of her own happiness.

Either way, the boy loses.

So, early on, I made a deliberate choice for my son. I began — consciously — encouraging the great men in my circle, men I trust (my father, my stepfather, a close friend), to spend one-on-one time with my teenage son.

Because at this stage in his life, he needs other positive male role models to look up to, learn from, and draw strength from. I’m facilitating this now, but I’ve encouraged it from the beginning.

Years ago, this became especially important when another man — his stepfather — entered his life. I was always present but suddenly, he had another male role model. And how I handled that would shape how he experienced it.

His stepfather was, to my knowledge, a kind and decent man. I understood early that I needed to speak of him respectfully — even when life was complicated, even when it would have been easy to vent or undermine. I needed to model maturity.

Because of that choice, his stepfather became another positive influence for my son. Not one I selected — but that’s reality. We will never control every man who enters our son’s life. What we can control is the example we set in how we respond.

More often than not, that example becomes the real lesson.

So: How do I introduce other men into my son’s life without feeling replaced?

It’s simple.

If you’ve done your job as a father — with love, consistency, kindness, and steadiness — nobody can replace you.

If you’re present, reliable, honest, and you don’t break your word (or you own it when you do), your place in your son’s heart is secure.

A father’s bond is built through thousands of small interactions: eye contact, play, discipline, encouragement, shared effort, shared struggle, bedtime routines, teaching him to stand, correcting him when he’s being a brat, hugging him when he melts down.

Those moments forge a bond of steel.

• No coach, no teacher, no millionaire, no genius, no Adonis can replace the man who built the foundation.

What if I feel jealous of a stepfather, grandfather, or coach who connects more easily?

It happens.

For certain passions — sports, gaming, chess, literature, music, engineering — someone else will always be more skilled than you. You’re a father, not a full-time hobbyist.

You don’t have 60 hours a week to master Counter-Strike, woodworking, astrophysics, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and League of Legends simultaneously (I mean let’s face it, League of Legends is ridiculously complex. That’s supposed to be fun and relaxing???).

But you can show interest. You can carve out energy, even the scraps left at the end of a long day, to connect with him over at least one shared passion.

For example: I became a film buff when I was younger — film school, industry work, the whole ordeal.

Later, I made a point of bringing my son to the cinema, watching all kinds of films with him, discussing them, arguing about them, laughing about them. Not to make him a cinephile — but because it was something we could share.

We also read, biked, jogged, lifted weights, played games, explored whatever caught his interest. If you pay attention, you and your son will find at least one mutual passion.

And when he tells you about his first perfect sniper round in CS, or his English essay on Oliver Twist, or a breakthrough in math — you put your phone down, listen, and learn from him.

That’s all it takes.

How do I give my son stronger male influences if I don’t have many good men around?

They exist.

If not in your family, look deeper. Being intimidated by a man or disagreeing with him politically does not disqualify him from being a good influence. Strength and value aren’t contingent on ideological alignment.

If not among your friends, look outward: Coaches, mentors, skilled tradesmen, youth group leaders, founders, craftsmen, teachers who command respect.

Reach out. Ask for time.

Many men are honored to share their experience with a young boy who needs direction.

And when all else fails, lean on books and lectures. Biographies of great men. Audiobooks. Conversations around the dinner table about the lives of those who carried themselves with courage, competence, and integrity.

Jordan Peterson changed the lives of countless fathers and sons. So did Jocko Willink, Marcus Aurelius, Viktor Frankl, Ernest Shackleton.

A role model does not need to be physically present to shape a boy’s inner world.

Whoever you choose — approach it as something you share with your son, not something that threatens you. A confident father is not afraid of other strong men. He welcomes them.

Final thoughts

The truth is simple: boys don’t become good men by accident.

They need fathers who stand firm, who welcome other strong men into their sons’ lives rather than guarding territory like frightened animals.

They need guidance, structure, exposure to excellence, and a father confident enough to let his son learn from others. A father’s influence isn’t weakened by that — it’s strengthened. A boy raised by a circle of good men carries this inspiration with him the rest of his life… and he always knows who his father is.

And needless to say; a strong man is not something negative, whatever some extremists might say. Let us all embrace the fact that throughout history, strong, good men have been vital for us all.

We are all descendants of the strongest ones.

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Blueprint

1. Identify One Good Man

Make a list of three men you respect — relatives, friends, mentors, colleagues.

Pick one and send him a simple message:

“Would you like to spend an hour with my son this week? I value who you are, and I think he could learn from you.”

That’s it. One message.

You’ll be shocked how willing men are when asked directly.

2. One Shared Passion

Today, ask your son:

“What’s something you’re into right now? Show me.”

Then give him 20 minutes of undivided attention in that world — games, sports clips, a book, anything.

Not to impress him — to enter his orbit.

3. Say One Line He’ll Remember

Tonight, tell your son:

“I’m proud of the man you’re becoming.”

Short. Direct. It lands harder than you think.

(Tell him only If you are proud of him. Always be honest, if you can. If you’re not proud, ask yourself: why not? What can I do to change this? Go back to your previous question about his passions, and try some of what he’s doing. Pick the one that’s a challenge to you but easy for him. Give it some time. And see if you don’t become, just slightly, proud of what he can that you can’t do. Then, truthfully, tell him you are proud).

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About the Author

A nordic father to two sons, husband, dog trainer and business man. Writes about the mandate fathers have of discipline, structure and steady presence to raise good men in a world that has forgotten how.

If you have questions, thoughts, or want to share your own experience, send me a message. I read everything.